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Unresolved Arguments
Many couples struggle with unresolved arguments that seem to resurface repeatedly, leading to ongoing tension and frustration. These arguments may stem from a deeper issue that hasn’t been fully addressed, or they may represent communication breakdowns where both partners feel misunderstood.
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Dr. John Gottman notes, “Unresolved conflicts are often the result of gridlock, where couples feel stuck in a perpetual argument with no solution in sight. Breaking through this gridlock requires empathy and the ability to see each other’s perspectives.”
In therapy, couples work to identify the underlying issues that fuel recurring arguments. Often, these conflicts are not just about the surface issue but reflect deeper emotional needs, such as feeling unappreciated, unloved, or disrespected. Therapists help couples explore these emotional needs and communicate them clearly to their partner.
Dr. Sue Johnson emphasizes that “emotional safety is key to resolving conflict. Partners need to feel secure in expressing their feelings without fear of rejection or escalation.”
Therapists also teach couples practical tools for resolving conflicts. One effective technique is active listening, where each partner takes turns fully hearing and reflecting on what the other is saying without interrupting or defending. This helps partners feel understood and reduces defensiveness.
Dr. Gottman advises, “Start conversations with a soft startup, focusing on your feelings rather than blaming your partner. This approach reduces tension and opens the door to productive dialogue.”
Another strategy is finding compromise on long-standing issues. While some conflicts may never be fully resolved, therapists help couples find ways to manage them without letting them erode the relationship.
Dr. Gottman’s research shows that successful couples are often able to “agree to disagree” on certain issues, focusing instead on maintaining respect and emotional connection.
By addressing unresolved arguments through therapy, couples can break free from destructive patterns, improve communication, and develop healthier ways to handle conflict. This not only reduces tension but also strengthens the overall relationship.
(All content we share in print, video, or other media reflects our personal opinions and is provided for general informational purposes only; it should not be considered legal, financial, medical, or professional advice, and should not be relied upon without seeking guidance from a qualified professional)
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