Unmet Emotional Needs

In relationships, when emotional needs aren’t being met, it can lead to dissatisfaction, frustration, and a feeling of being disconnected from one’s partner. Unmet emotional needs may manifest as one partner feeling neglected, unappreciated, or unloved, while the other partner may be unaware of the depth of the issue. Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that “all relationships involve emotional bids—moments when one partner seeks emotional connection. How the other responds is key to relationship success.”

WATCH THE VIDEO

In therapy, couples work to identify their emotional needs and communicate them clearly to their partner. Often, individuals assume their partner should intuitively understand what they need, but therapist Dr. Sue Johnson points out that “emotional needs must be explicitly communicated. Expecting your partner to read your mind only sets the relationship up for disappointment.” Therapy encourages partners to discuss what makes them feel loved, valued, and connected.

One effective exercise used in therapy is creating “love maps,” a concept developed by Gottman, where each partner maps out their inner emotional world and shares it with the other. This helps partners understand each other’s emotional landscape and allows them to respond to emotional bids more effectively. Additionally, therapists guide couples in learning to provide reassurance and validation when emotional needs are expressed, helping to build a secure emotional bond.

Couples may also explore what’s blocking emotional connection. Sometimes stress, past trauma, or personal insecurities prevent partners from being emotionally available. In these cases, individual therapy may complement couples therapy to address deeper issues, while the couple works together to create a more supportive and understanding environment.

Ultimately, meeting emotional needs in a relationship requires vulnerability, communication, and intentional effort. Through therapy, couples can develop the skills necessary to identify and fulfill each other’s emotional needs, leading to a deeper, more fulfilling connection.