The Invisible Hand: What Happened to Me at a Benedictine Monastery

What happened to me last weekend is difficult to explain, but I cannot remain silent about it. I do not monetize these views, and I will never profit from the Word of God. SmartGuy exists to help hurting people find hope and grow closer to God.

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When Everything Collapsed

I once believed I was building the life we all dream about. Then, within a short period, I lost my mother and my daughter. My marriage and business partnerships fell apart, and I found myself completely alone, deeply depressed, and questioning whether I wanted to continue living.

The Sign That Kept Me Alive

The night my mother died, I was sorting through thousands of videos from her acting career, trying to escape the grief. Before choosing one final video, I prayed, “God, Mother, Jesus, somebody please give me a sign.” The video I pulled out was titled something like “Mommy Loves You.” Perhaps it was a coincidence. I cannot prove otherwise. But at that moment, it felt like the sign I desperately needed. It helped keep me alive and eventually inspired my mission with SmartGuy.

A New Mission

Since then, I have created hundreds of free videos and programs about faith, suffering, forgiveness, death, and eternal life. As my faith deepened, I began wondering whether I was being called to monastic life or to spread God’s Word through the internet. That question inspired my new Monk at Home program, which helps ordinary people bring prayer, silence, Scripture, gratitude, and monastic wisdom into their homes. While researching Benedictine spirituality, a priest friend encouraged me to visit a monastery north of Los Angeles. I decided to go.

Two Crosses Along the Path

I arrived early and began praying the Stations of the Cross alone on a hillside. Near the first station, I noticed two separate twigs lying in the unmistakable shape of a cross. When I picked them up, they immediately fell apart. Nothing had been holding them together. Farther along, I saw another cross formed inside what appeared to be a footprint. I photographed both and shared the pictures in the header image above. People may interpret them differently. I am simply telling you what I saw and what happened next.

The Invisible Hand

Inside the empty chapel, I prayed the Rosary and asked Jesus, “Use me. Lead me. Let me be Your hands in this world.” At noon Mass, I stood near the monks with my hands open in prayer. Suddenly, I felt a hand take mine and squeeze it tightly. I looked to my left. No one was there, only an empty aisle. The pressure continued. I silently thought, “If someone is truly holding my hand, it should move.” My hand moved. The sensation lasted approximately twenty seconds and stopped when everyone knelt. When we stood again, I opened my hands. At first, nothing happened, and I assumed it had been an unusual physical reaction. Then it happened again. Once more, I felt an invisible hand holding and squeezing mine. I cannot tell you whether it was my guardian angel, my mother, our Lord, or something I cannot explain. I have no scientific proof. I only know that it felt completely real.

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Why I Am Sharing This

I know some people may doubt or criticize me. But I kept asking myself: If God allowed me to experience this, do I have the right to remain silent? I am not sharing this for attention. I am sharing it for anyone who feels grieving, depressed, frightened, alone, or abandoned by God. Please do not give up.

Seek God for Yourself

Do not believe solely because of my experience. Seek God for yourself. Enter a quiet church. Put away your phone. Sit silently and pray: “God, speak to me. Use me. Lead me.” You may not feel a hand, see a sign, or hear a voice. God may answer quietly, gradually, or differently than you expect. Faith is built not only through extraordinary moments, but through prayer, Scripture, the sacraments, love, service, and perseverance. Open your heart, become still, and give God time to respond in His way.

Keep praying. Keep listening. Keep seeking. God is real, He is with us, and it is time to come closer to Him. God bless you.