Power Dynamics and Control Issues

Imbalances in power and control can create significant tension and dysfunction in a relationship. These dynamics often manifest in one partner exerting more influence over decisions, finances, or emotional aspects of the relationship, while the other partner feels unheard, dismissed, or controlled. As therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner explains, “Power struggles in relationships are often about more than the surface issue - they reflect deeper needs for respect, validation, and autonomy.”

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Couples who seek therapy for power dynamics and control issues often struggle with recurring patterns of dominance and submission, where one partner consistently tries to assert control over the other’s behavior, choices, or even emotions. This can lead to resentment, emotional withdrawal, or frequent arguments. In therapy, couples explore the root causes of these power imbalances. Often, they stem from personal insecurities, past trauma, or learned behaviors from family dynamics.

Dr. Lerner emphasizes the importance of mutual respect in resolving these issues: “Healthy relationships are based on equality, where both partners’ voices are heard and valued.” In therapy, couples are encouraged to engage in active listening exercises, where each partner takes turns expressing their needs and concerns without interruption. This process helps both partners feel heard and reduces the tendency for one partner to dominate the conversation.

Another key element in addressing control issues is setting boundaries. Therapist and author Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab explains, “Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining balance in a relationship. Each partner should feel free to express their individual needs, desires, and limits without fear of backlash.” In therapy, couples work on identifying areas where boundaries have been crossed and learning how to respect each other’s autonomy.

Therapists may also help couples identify “covert” control issues—subtle forms of manipulation or passive-aggressive behavior that can undermine the relationship. These might include guilt-tripping, withholding affection, or using emotional blackmail to get what one partner wants. By bringing these behaviors to light, couples can work toward more honest and direct communication.

Addressing power dynamics and control issues requires a commitment to open dialogue, mutual respect, and ongoing self-reflection. Through therapy, couples can learn to share power in a way that fosters equality and emotional intimacy.