Lack of Affection

A lack of affection, whether physical or verbal, can leave one or both partners feeling unloved or distant. Affection is a crucial way couples express love and care for each other, and when it fades, it can signal deeper emotional disconnects. Therapist Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, emphasizes that “affection can take many forms, from physical touch to words of affirmation. It’s important to understand what type of affection your partner needs.”

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In therapy, couples explore what affection means to each partner and whether there’s been a shift in how it’s expressed. Sometimes, partners stop showing affection due to stress, emotional hurt, or a lack of time. Therapists often ask couples to reflect on the early days of their relationship and identify how they showed affection then, as it can help rekindle those behaviors.

One therapeutic tool is understanding and practicing each partner’s “love language.” Dr. Chapman’s 5 Love Languages—words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch—helps couples identify how they prefer to give and receive love. Once identified, partners can make conscious efforts to express affection in ways that resonate most with their partner.

Therapists also address the barriers to affection. One partner may feel emotionally disconnected, making it difficult to express affection, while the other may feel unloved due to the lack of it. Therapy helps couples communicate these feelings in a non-blaming way, focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on the problem.

Rebuilding affection takes time and effort, but therapy provides the space for couples to reconnect emotionally and physically, restoring the sense of love and care in their relationship.