Emotional Disconnection

Emotional disconnection is a common issue for couples, often manifesting as feelings of loneliness, neglect, or a sense of being “roommates” rather than partners. Emotional distance can arise gradually due to stress, life changes, or unresolved conflicts, leaving partners feeling unappreciated or unloved. As therapist Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), explains, “Emotional disconnection is the root of most relationship problems. When couples don’t feel emotionally secure, they stop turning toward each other.”

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One of the main signs of emotional disconnection is a lack of meaningful communication. Couples may go through the motions of daily life without truly connecting, which can lead to feelings of isolation. Dr. John Gottman refers to these missed opportunities for connection as “sliding door moments”—instances where partners could reach out to each other but instead choose to withdraw. In therapy, couples are taught to recognize and seize these moments to foster emotional intimacy. Gottman advises couples to practice “bids for connection,” which are small gestures like checking in with each other, sharing a thought, or offering affection.

Another contributor to emotional disconnection is unresolved conflict. When couples avoid addressing underlying issues, emotional walls can form, creating further distance. Dr. Johnson advocates for couples to engage in “vulnerability-based conversations,” where they share their fears, needs, and desires without blaming or attacking their partner. This emotional openness can reignite closeness and trust.

Therapists often guide couples through exercises designed to rebuild emotional intimacy. This might include spending quality time together without distractions, engaging in deep conversations, or practicing physical touch and affection. Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept of the “Five Love Languages” can also be helpful in therapy, as couples learn to express love in ways their partner values most, whether through words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, or gift-giving.

Overcoming emotional disconnection requires both partners to make a conscious effort to reconnect. Therapy provides the tools and support needed to reestablish emotional security, helping couples feel seen, valued, and loved once again.