Emotional Affairs

Emotional affairs can be just as damaging to a relationship as physical infidelity. When one partner forms a deep emotional connection with someone outside the relationship, it can lead to feelings of betrayal, jealousy, and insecurity.

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Dr. Shirley Glass, author of Not "Just Friends", explains that “emotional affairs often start innocently but can quickly become a substitute for emotional intimacy within the relationship, leaving the other partner feeling excluded.”

In therapy, couples dealing with emotional affairs work on understanding how and why the affair happened. Often, emotional affairs occur when one partner feels emotionally disconnected from their spouse and seeks fulfillment elsewhere.

Dr. John Gottman advises that “couples must look at the underlying emotional needs that were not being met in the relationship and work to rebuild emotional intimacy.”

Therapists help couples rebuild trust by encouraging open communication. The partner who had the emotional affair must be willing to answer difficult questions and demonstrate remorse, while the betrayed partner must be able to express their feelings of hurt and anger. Dr. Glass emphasizes that “full transparency is essential for healing. This means no more secrets, especially around communication with the person involved in the affair.”

Rebuilding trust also involves setting boundaries. The partner who had the emotional affair may need to cut off contact with the other person to reassure their spouse and demonstrate their commitment to the relationship. Therapists guide couples in establishing these boundaries and ensuring that both partners feel emotionally safe.

Therapy also focuses on rebuilding emotional intimacy within the relationship. Couples are encouraged to invest time and energy into reconnecting emotionally—through quality time, open conversations, and physical affection. By addressing the emotional void that led to the affair, couples can work toward healing and rebuilding a stronger, more connected relationship.

(All content we share in print, video, or other media reflects our personal opinions and is provided for general informational purposes only; it should not be considered legal, financial, medical, or professional advice, and should not be relied upon without seeking guidance from a qualified professional)