Balancing Individual and Couple Time

Striking the right balance between spending time together as a couple and maintaining individual interests can be challenging. Too much time together can lead to feelings of being smothered, while too much time apart can cause disconnection.

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Dr. John Gottman explains, “Healthy relationships require both intimacy and autonomy. Couples who find a balance between individual pursuits and shared activities tend to have stronger, more resilient relationships.”

In therapy, couples explore how they can balance their need for closeness with their need for independence. One common issue is when one partner feels neglected because the other is overly focused on personal hobbies, work, or social life. Therapists encourage couples to discuss how much time they want to spend together and what activities help them feel connected.

Dr. Gottman recommends creating “rituals of connection,” such as regular date nights, shared hobbies, or simple daily check-ins, to ensure that partners continue to nurture their bond.

Conversely, therapy also helps partners feel comfortable pursuing their individual interests without guilt or fear of judgment.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Intimacy, notes, “Maintaining individuality within a relationship is essential for personal growth and the health of the partnership. Both partners should support each other’s independence while still maintaining a sense of togetherness.” Therapy often involves setting boundaries around individual time, ensuring that both partners feel free to explore their own passions without feeling distant or disconnected.

Therapists also work with couples to address issues of codependency, where one partner may feel overly reliant on the other for emotional or social fulfillment. Therapy helps partners develop a sense of self outside the relationship, which in turn strengthens the relationship itself by reducing pressure and fostering personal growth.

Balancing couple time and individual time is essential for maintaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Through therapy, couples learn to negotiate these needs and create a dynamic where both partners feel connected, supported, and free to pursue their own interests.

(All content we share in print, video, or other media reflects our personal opinions and is provided for general informational purposes only; it should not be considered legal, financial, medical, or professional advice, and should not be relied upon without seeking guidance from a qualified professional)